Cue your local locust swarm and saddle up the proverbial four horses, American Idol fans: The end times are definitely nigh!
How else to explain oanette Johnson being named by the show’s rebooted judges’ panel as one of the 10 most promising unsigned female singers in the country? Yes, oanette Johnson, the same chick whose tattered, Season 12 audition cover of “The Star Spangled Banner” caused Keith Urban to literally fall out of his chair — and was punctuated by an alarming booty drop.
Honestly, is it time to put down the remote control and pick up the Book of Revelations? Or could one of the following theories explain the judges’ thinking:
A) Nigel Lythgoe made sure the microprint in Keith, Nicki and Mariah’s contracts allowed him to override their common sense and good taste at least three times per season. (He is, after all, producing a TV show.)
B) By virtue of his 11 previous seasons on the panel, Randy’s vote counts for double — allowing him carte blanche approval on various contestants, no matter how aggressively Nicki throws her side-eye (see accompanying screengrab). (Let’s hear it for the girl, girl, girl!)
C) The judges deliberately chose to advance a few cannon-fodder contestants into next week’s Top 20, thereby ensuring speed-dialing Idol voters will advance their true chosen pets.
D) At the end of Thursday’s telecast, the judges will give a reprieve to all five women who got axed tonight, send five additional male contestants to the guillotine, and give us a gender-imbalanced, 15-chica/5-niño semifinal round. (MAKE THIS HAPPEN, @Di yFeet!)
E) oanette was put here on this Earth to disprove the old adage that you never get a second chance to make a first impression.
F) Somebody spiked the Coke cups.
Me? I’m going with some combination of A, C, F, and E — no, oanette wasn’t good in a note-hitting kind of way, but she definitely made me feel…something (though by morning I could just attribute it to indigestion).
Anyhow, let’s cut to the set list for the second “sudden death” episode of Idol‘s 12th season — along with my letter grades for every performance:
Melinda Ademi: Jessie J’s “Nobody’s Perfect” | Grade: C+
Candice Glover: Aretha Franklin’s “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman” | Grade: B+
Juliana Chahayed: Demi Lovato’s “Skyscraper” | Grade: A-
Jett Hermano: Rihanna’s “Only Girl (In The World)” | Grade: B-
Cristabel Clack: Alicia Keys’s “No One” | Grade: B-
Aubrey Cleland: Beyoncé’s “Sweet Dreams” | Grade: B
Rachel Hale: Grace Potter And The Nocturnals’ “Nothing But The Water” | Grade: B
Breanna Steer: Ja mine Sullivan’s “Bust Your Windows” | Grade: A-
Janelle Arthur: Lady Antebellum’s “Just a Kiss” | Grade: B-
oanette Johnson: Elton John’s “Circle Of Life” | Grade: C+
And with that, I’ll be back overnight to update this post with full reviews for every contestant — bookmark, refresh, and enjoy! — but until then, let me turn things over to you. What did you think of the third Vegas round of American Idol Season 12? What did you think of the judges’ decisions? Who was your favorite? Did Juliana get robbed? Did oanette commit a robbery? Or are you warming to her particular brand of cray-cray? Take our poll below, then sound off in the comments, and for all my Idol-related news, recaps, interviews and videos, follow me on Twitter @MichaelSle akTV!
American Idol Recap: It Moves Us All, Through Despair and Hope
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